I'm starting to realize maybe I have absolutely no idea what I want in life. I mean really, I'm turning 28 in 17 days and heading into my 30s. For a while there, I thought moving to Myrtle Beach was my dream and it still is... in a way but it's not exactly what I pictured.... now I'm just confused.
I've been here for almost 4 months now. Living in a resort, on the beach .... I'm always bored. Making friends down here has been difficult - seems that everyone drinks a lot and I haven't found a community of people that are just good ole friendly. I suppose it's a bit difficult to make new friends considering the average age here in the resort is mid 40's and up and mostly everyone here is on a vacation basis and leave shortly after they arrive.
As for work - I've met some really great people there but I don't necessarily want to be close close friends with someone I work with, especially when there's only like 8 of us in the company.
As for my personal life, Travis has been up in Wisconsin since I've moved down here. go figure, I come closer and he goes further away. Funny now he wants to look for a new job down here and I'm like,..um.. sweetie, I'm not sure if I want to stay here. I do...but my guts telling me something too and I cant hear it clearly yet but it's trying.
I miss my family like crazy. I miss my being able to hang out with them whenever and I miss having a circle of friends I could call on to have coffee, to have a snack, to talk about the everyday humor and everyday crap.
As for work, I'm really just not motivated.... what happened to me? Ever since Oracle, it's like I lost my passion for what I do and I've lost my drive to want more from work. This new job frustrates the hell out of me. It's like people don't care whether or not we grow. It's all in the moment, reactive, and there's a seriousl lack of teamwork all around. There's a lot of problems here. There's absolutely no sense of urgency, not enough customer service, not enough external or internal support. Morale sucks cause everyone is so burnt out all the time. There are no processes, no documentation, and no momentum. Maybe not the right job for me I'm starting to realize.
I have this winter rental resort until April 1. I've decided to give my until March 1st to decide what I want to do. I do love it down here in Myrtle Beach but there's not much more it has to offer me. The job market is extremely limited and as for things to do? besides the beach and the bars - you're on your own. Things close early, there are no museums, there are some state parks and stuff but unless you have a buddy to go with you? it's not safe to be alone in the woods. There's no Asian foods, there's 2 Thai restaurants - they are both mediocre, and neither can nail down pad Thai. No Vietnamese, No Korean, No Chinese. There is plenty of Hibachi places - they're becoming more popular down here. Couple of really good sushi places. and then a couple of nice deli's and bistros. Honestly just not enough for me.
The way I see this working.... cause i don't necessarily want to give up on this ....is maybe starting something of my own. I was thinking gathering up my tech friends and seeing if there's any interest in helping with me. I got the sales down, but lets be honest... not so much the tech.... as least not right now - once I'm back into it. I know I'll catch back up. Then I thought... ok, I do like technology, but do I LOVE it? maybe 89% love it. Then i thought about starting my own jewelry business. I'm still researching this option. Looking at books, researching available workshops that I could take to learn. I want to do way more than beading. I want to do Metalsmithing, molding, pouring metals, etc... Jewelry making would be more of a hobby probably.... I'd love to see it turn into something more. I love jewelry, I love it! what more fun then to make it. but again... maybe more hobby then career. but wouldn't it be nice to do what you love for work. and I love to make things - pretty things :)
Then the other option was working with my brother to start a web design/photography company. now we can talk talent (what I lack). He's got the talent for sure. he can program, he can make websites, he can definitely take the most magnificent pictures and capture "the moment". but is there money in this? plus he's only available part time until school is finished so that would limit the amount of customer we could manage successfully. I don't' want to do it to give crap service. Service is everything.
Then again, I'm back to my current job. Am I just thinking about giving up too soon? I used to be hungry for that sale, hungry for the next close and now I'm just not that motivated. I just go through the motions and its not fun. It's not exciting and I know someone else will fuck up my process of winning my next deal here. 3 days to return a call to a customer whose PC broke down? 3 days - don't even call? hello? can you say goodbye to my 400K deal? yeah... thanks for the support guys. I don't feel like my company backs me up and I don't have enough faith in our services. sad right? I have to have confidence in my product and services and we have some serious issues that no one want to address. If you don't change what you're doing, your situation will never change. but in this economy - do I even have the right to complain and put my job at risk by giving my opinion (which really isn't welcome here).
So that leaves me right back to where I started... crap... what do I do now? I need a life coach.
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